I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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