i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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