Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
