why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
