She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
