Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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