i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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