I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
