So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
