My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
