if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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