I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
