Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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