Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
