i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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