The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
