You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
