No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
