If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
