DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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