I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
