omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
