you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
