just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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