Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm too high and old for this...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
