I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
