mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
