You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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