Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
