You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
