all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
