i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And then he peed in my hair
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