Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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