I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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