my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
