Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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