My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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