i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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