next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
