Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
