Say something about gay babies.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
