Can i not drive my cunt home
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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