Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
