A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
