Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
