his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
