so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They took my balls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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