Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
