matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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