and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
