My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
