I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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