It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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