george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
