My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
