You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
